


I'm not losing you (so I'm losing myself)

by Hellokaelyn



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Graphic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-02 09:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19438525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellokaelyn/pseuds/Hellokaelyn
Summary: She risks her life and sanity to protect him.He takes matters into his own hands to save her.A story of pain, love, friendship, and doing anything for the people you care about.





	1. Ellie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rootsbeforebranches](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rootsbeforebranches/gifts).



> This probably won't be long, but I didn't want to put it all as a oneshot and feel pressured to write it all at once. So here goes my first official chaptered Ellick fic!

Growing up Ellie learned about pain of all kinds.  
  
A broken arm from trying to prove to her brothers that she wasn't too much of a girl that ended up in her falling out of a tree, sprained ankle during a hiking trip, bloody noses when her brothers played too rough, the emotional hurt when her classmates became cruel with their words, then fast forward to getting shot in her vest, the sharp pain in her heart when finding out about Jake's cheating, the heart squeezing painful feeling when losing Qasim, and again when losing Clay.  
  
All of that seemed like child's play now that she knew what true pain felt like.  
  
True pain that made her scream until her throat felt raw, true pain that made her want to _beg_ for death.  
  
A scream just like.. _this one-_  
  
Ellie's ears filled with the sound of her screams echoing off the stone walls of the empty room, in the background she could hear cold laughter.  
  
A gasping breath left her as she tried to suck in air almost frantically.  
  
With a groan she looked up to see her captor grinning holding the prod, her skin burning from where it was just pressing on her wet skin. Carl studied the new electrical burns he made with an almost satisfied tilt of his head.  
  
"None of this would have happened if you just told me the truth, sweetheart." Carl said, clicking his tongue in disappointment.  
  
"I'm not saying a word." She said barely above a whisper. It always hurt to talk at a normal volume.  
  
Carl sighed, as if this was paining _him_. It almost made her scoff out loud. "Haven't you ever heard the saying 'love kills'?" He crouched down in front of her from where she was sitting on the floor chained to the wall, shackles around her ankles and wrists. "Well this love-" Carl snorted at the word. "-you have for him is gonna get you killed."  
  
"Go to hell."  
  
"No need to be so harsh sweetheart." Carl smirked. "All you have to do is tell me where Torres is, and I'll end your misery swift and easy."  
  
"Looks like you'll have to find some new torture techniques." Ellie snapped, the best she could. She'll be demand if she told him anything. Nick would be absolutely pissed if he found out she was getting tortured to protect him, but if she had to choose? She'd pick herself to go through all of this, because while she knew he could take it and probably last longer than her in time for the hopeful rescue, it was like Carl said. Ellie loved him. And while she hurt like hell and wanted to die at her lowest points, it hurt so much more thinking about him being hurt like this.  
  
"Guess I will." Carl stood with a shake of his head. He took out a granola bar from his back pocket and tossed it in her lap.  
  
Ellie waited until he left to quickly rip it open ignoring the sharp pain shooting through her at the action.  
  
She couldn't be sure how long she'd been here, the days mixing together. Carl also didn't come see her everyday so she couldn't even use his arrival as the sign of a new day. It might have been a month or at least around there. All she could do was hope they would find her.  
  
Carl would only ask where Nick was so many times before killing her..if his torture didn't do it first. Carl was just as cruel as Nick had described.  
  
It made Ellie's head spin with how quickly things had changed and moved into motion since she first heard Carl's name. One minute she was sitting at her desk laughing with McGee about something Nick had said, their laughter cutting short when Vance and Gibbs came storming down the stairs with grim faces. A man named Carl Ortega had escaped from prison, and Nick who was responsible for his capture was Carl's target. Nick had went pale at the news, and only hours later he was sent to a safe house despite his protests. Vance had made calls and in the meantime got Lucia and Amanda hidden safely in Florida too where they had moved.  
  
No one considered the possibility that she'd be the next best target for Carl. Not Vance, not Gibbs, not Nick, not even her. But it seemed Carl had been watching longer than they thought, and he learned. If she didn't give him the information he wanted, her death would in turn hurt Nick. Ellie felt sick knowing that..but he'd move on eventually wouldn't he?  
  
Tears slid down her cheeks as her eyes slowly closed.  
  
If she concentrated enough, shoving through her hazy mind, she could almost feel his arms around her. Almost hear his wonderful voice, whispering words of comfort and encouragement in her ear.  
  
But later when she felt the throbbing throughout her body, her energy drained, she could see two bodies in the room with her.  
  
Ellie whimpered at seeing Qasim and Clay.  
  
They always gave her comfort which she was grateful for and it was nice having two friendly familiar faces but they always left her in the end. When Carl would come back in they'd disappear leaving her to face the inevitable pain alone, but Nick never did. When she saw him, he'd always be there in the corner of her eye as she screamed and cried. It was an odd sense of comfort knowing he was there. (Ellie knew deep down he wasn't actually there, but that didn't matter anymore).  
  
And when Carl would leave, Nick would smooth a hand over her hair softly and hold her while she sobbed. When she'd do her best to wrap and clean her new wounds with the kit Carl gave her with shaking hands, Nick would talk her through it or tell her how strong she was. Sometimes he'd start insulting Carl just to make her crack a smile, ranging from ridiculous insults to ones that would have made her cringe in disgust if this was back in the squad room because Nick had quite the imagination and vulgar vocabulary.  
  
Ellie's only bright spots were when Nick visited her. She enjoyed seeing Qasim and Clay, but they didn't make her feel hopeful, safe, and warm like he did. He always made her feel safe and warm, even from the beginning.  
  
She felt herself fall into a troubled sleep soon after. Nick featured in all her dreams, even the nightmares. But it was the happy dreams she clung to, happy dreams that felt real as if she might experience them one day.  
  
Ellie hoped she would.  
  



	2. Nick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick doesn't plan to sit and wait for a phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is boring in my opinion but I hope it's still liked?

_A scream echoed through the room, the man sitting in the chair sobbed loudly after as his blood dripped onto the plastic tarp beneath._  
  
 _Nick tried hard to keep his face emotionless and his body from tensing up too much. He wanted nothing more than to save the guy whose name he didn't even know, but his handler for this case told him to stand down on that front. It made his stomach churn. He was expected to do nothing as someone was tortured and killed right in front of him._  
  
 _Did this guy have a wife? Husband? Kids? Maybe even a dog? Anyone who would miss him, who would mourn his death?_  
  
 _And he couldn't even look away without drawing attention, feeling Grant who was tasked with watching him eyeing him closely. Nick was fresh meat to this group, and so one step that seemed suspicious and he wouldn't get anything._  
  
 _Carl reached over and grabbed another knife this one bigger and sharper than the last, and Nick had to swallow the bile in his throat when seconds later the man screamed in a way he hadn't before. It was a sound Nick would hear in his dreams, an animalistic torturous sound._  
  
 _"Please stop! Please!" He begged, the words laced with so much pain._  
  
 _Carl only laughed. "What's the matter friend? That was only a finger! Imagine the pain when I cut them all off."_  
  
 _Nick tried not to look at the man's finger now lying on the tarp or the place where it once was._  
  
 _Hours later when Grant was leading him through the warehouse turned home base halls, he gave Nick a push towards the bathroom door._  
  
 _"I won't say a word." Grant told him, a flash of sympathy in his eyes before it was gone. "Better to watch then have it be you, kid."_  
  
 _Nick wondered if it was a test, but in that moment he honestly couldn't care. He hunched over the toilet and emptied his stomach, a sob tearing its way through him after. All he could see was the man's dead bloody and mangled body._  
  
 _He wished he never accepted the offer to become an undercover agent. How could he live with himself?_   
  
Nick grabbed a plate and threw it across the safe house kitchen, watching it shatter across the floor.   
  
Ever since finding out about Carl, he had been plagued with memories he'd rather forget. It had been his first major case and the one that made him question his job. But ironically enough it was also what made him stay. Getting Carl arrested made him realize he wanted to put people like him away, that even if it messed with his mental state, at least it'd be one less horrible person roaming freely.   
  
But now Carl was out there, and Nick had the biggest target on his back being the one who wormed his way close to Carl, the one who gained the information that took him down. Nick had people want his head on a stick before, but his undercover identities still stuck. But Carl wasn't stupid, and he had connections.   
  
Nick could have dealt with it, could have even dealt with being forced to stay in this stupid safe house (something about wanting to keep him from doing something stupid more than about keeping him safe), all thanks to Gibbs and Vance.   
  
That was until Ellie went missing.   
  
McGee had gone to her apartment when she didn't show up one morning, only to find it trashed and a bloody handprint on the wall.   
  
"They'll find her Torres, you know they will."   
  
Nick clenched his jaw. Agent Jefferson was tasked with watching him, and while he liked the guy usually..he was in the way. He could be helping them find her and instead they were keeping him locked up here.   
  
Jefferson moved to clean up the broken plate, but Nick waved him away. "It's my mess, shouldn't you be calling Vance to tell him about my outburst?"   
  
The other agent sighed at the sarcasm in his voice. "They're just trying to protect you man. For yourself, and to keep you from doing something reckless."   
  
"Yeah and while they do that Ellie is getting tortured!" Nick yelled. "Just fucking go."  
  
Jefferson looked as if he wanted to say something but shook his head and walked out. No doubt going to sit in front of the TV like he'd been doing for the past four hours.   
  
Nick waited until he heard the sound of a rerun of _Modern Family_ before he opened one of the kitchen drawers, lifting up the bottom to reveal a small pill bottle. Shoving it into his pocket, he set about making brownies. Baking and cooking were what had been keeping him sane the last two weeks, until Gibbs called him on his burner phone to tell him about Ellie four days ago.   
  
If they really thought having someone keep an eye on him would keep him there waiting for a damn phone call, they really didn't know him at all (when he thinks about it he realizes while they know she's important to him, they have no idea how much). This was Ellie, he wasn't afraid to temporarily put down a fellow agent.  
  
Which is why when the brownies were done, he put on a fake apologetic look and offered some to Jefferson.  
  
"Look man, I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated with not being able to look for my partner."  
  
Jefferson bit into one of the brownies and swallowed before speaking. "I get it, I do. We're all allowed an outburst every now and then."  
  
When he turned back to the screen, Nick smirked behind his hand. Jefferson never could resist brownies. Once he was knocked out thanks to the crushed up pills, for a few hours at least, Nick was out.  
  


* * *

  
  
It was two days later when he spotted them walking behind him at a distance, obviously wanting him to see them. Nick swore under his breath and ducked into an alley, heading behind the building to the area hidden by the garbage.   
  
"What the hell do you two want?" Nick yanked off his hat, glare in place. "Here to bring me to Gibbs?"   
  
Ziva and Tony glanced at each other before shaking their heads.   
  
"We are here to help." Ziva said.   
  
"Agents or not anymore, the team is still family." Tony told him.   
  
"Exactly, you two aren't agents anymore." Nick grumbled. "It'll be bad enough when I get my ass handed to me, but you two are technically civilians now."   
  
Ziva scoffed at that. "I can do as I please."  
  
Tony grinned at her making Nick roll his eyes.   
  
"Seriously you two, I don't have time for this. Why try and help me, Gibbs and McGee could use your help."   
  
Their faces turned grim.   
  
"Look, we know they love Ellie and would do anything to find her, but they don't know what it's truly like." Tony's eyes had pain behind them, a look Nick had seen in his own since Ellie had been taken. "Yeah Gibbs lost his wife and daughter, and had his own share of loss..but he doesn't know what it's like for the person you love to be going through god knows what, and you not knowing where they are or if they're even alive."   
  
Ziva gripped his hand. Nick knew there was a story behind it and while he was curious, now wasn't the time to ask.   
  
"And like I said, the team is still family, Ellie is like my little sister and I'm not just gonna sit back in Paris."   
  
"I may not know Ellie as well as Tony-" Ziva started. "But we are friends, and she helped keep my family safe, it is only fair that now I help her too."  
  
"What about Tali? Carl isn't someone you wanna mess with."  
  
"She's back in Paris with Senior." Tony told him. "We know we're taking a risk, but this is Ellie."  
  
Nick sighed and ran a hand down his face. He really could use their help..while he could hunt Carl down on his own, it would be difficult to get around the guys he no doubt had to get to Ellie if Nick was alone.   
  
And that's how an hour later Nick sat in the crappy box apartment he rented off one of his informants with Ziva and Tony going over what he knew. The walls were covered in information on Carl, Nick had learned a lot in his time under Carl's command.  
  
"Let's get to work."   
  
Ziva and Tony nodded in agreement. Together, they'd get her back.  
  
 _I'm coming Ellie, I'll find you if it's the last thing I do._


	3. Ellie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie will hold on, because he's coming for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There should be maybe two or three more chapters left.

Footsteps sounded loudly in the otherwise quiet room as Carl paced slowly, dried blood covered hands clasped in front of him holding onto a video camera.   
  
Ellie slumped back against the wall, breathing shallow and a numbing kind of pain throughout her body except for the stinging fire like feeling where her newest wounds were. If she moved too much, they only started bleeding once again. Though her eyes stayed open and trained on the camera in his hands. Carl hadn't recorded her torture (she looked around for cameras multiple times) so she wondered why he had it.  
  
"I bet you have some high opinions of your lover boy." She blinked but didn't say a word. Carl stopped pacing and pressed some buttons on the camera. "But I bet you never really saw him in action huh? It's quite a sight to see." He grinned sickly making her want to cringe back into the wall.   
  
He dropped the camera in front of her, gripping her hair tightly making her whimper. "Watch it or I start recording our little sessions and send them to your family." Carl hissed in her ear harshly. "Bet mommy would love to see me carve into her only daughter."   
  
Ellie knew he wasn't bluffing, and so she looked at the cameras screen.   
  
A younger Nick was in the cameras view, he was standing in front of a guy hanging from the ceiling, arms up and his wrists bound.   
  
_"You messed up big time Wesley."_ Nick took a step forward. The man, Wesley, flinched back.  
  
 _"I didn't steal Carl's money man! You have to believe me!"_  
  
 _"See even if I did believe you, you know Carl. Someone's gotta pay and there's no one to do that but you."_  
  
Ellie tried to keep her facial expressions straight as she was forced to watch Nick beat him. The sound of his fists hitting flesh and bones cracking being the only noise she could hear. After, Wesley's body was limply hanging and Nick shook out his hands, his knuckles bloody. Ellie got a glimpse of his cold empty eyes as he walked past the camera and out of view.   
  
"Amazing isn't it?" Carl said with a chuckle, grabbing the camera back. "After that, I foolishly put my trust in him..but I can't deny Torres was definitely something."  
  
In that moment she guessed it was a good thing she was in too much pain to speak, her body needing rest after their so called 'session'. If not, she would have had a snappy comeback of it sounding as if _he_ was the one in love with Nick, the admiration seeping through his tone. Carl would have definitely grabbed his trusty knife again.   
  
When Carl left, Ellie knew what he expected. He thought her seeing Nick like that would change how she felt, make her see that other side of him that with anyone else would have had the effect Carl wanted it to have. Carl wanted to ruin whatever was unsaid between them. But it was _Nick_. He may have done his research, but none of that would make him privy to what happened between them in the comfort of their apartments. Ellie knew Nick the most, and she knew even that younger Nick would have been disgusted with himself, would have been filled with guilt and hatred for himself. He always said there were things he did undercover that he hated, things that made him wonder if it really was worth it in the end. Ellie saw a man trying to do his job and survive.   
  
As she drifted off, she played back the last time she saw Nick before all of this. Her heart clenched painfully at the thought of it maybe being the last time they would speak.   
  
_Nick angrily tossed things into a bag, he only had a few minutes to pack some stuff before heading to the safe house._  
  
 _"We'll get him Nick, you know that."_  
  
 _"I know." He said through clenched teeth. "I'm pissed that they won't let me help, I know things that could probably help and instead I'm getting forced into staying hidden like some damn damsel in distress!"_  
  
 _"If it makes you feel any better..you'd make a pretty damsel in distress?" Ellie teased, grinning when Nick faced her with a glare._  
  
 _"Laugh it up Ellie..and for your information it's 'handsome' damsel in distress."_  
  
 _A small giggle fell from her lips. "Oh I'm sorry your highness."_  
  
 _"That's it-" Nick grumbled, Ellie's eyes widened but she didn't move out of the way quick enough as he started tickling her sides, a weakness he knew thanks to her idiot brothers._  
  
 _"Nick!" She squealed through her laughter that mixed with his own. "Stop it!"_  
  
 _Ellie fell back onto the bed trying to escape his hands, Nick falling with her. Their laughter stopped short as he landed on her, his hands on either side of her head keeping him from crushing her. Ellie felt a fire ignite as they looked in each others eyes. All the playfulness disappearing as the reality of the situation fell upon them once more._  
  
 _"You know I don't want you to go, right?" Ellie said softly._  
  
 _"I know." His voice just as soft, one of his hands moving to caress her cheek. "Be careful Ellie, please."_  
  
 _"I promise."_  
  
 _Nick's eyes went to her lips, and Ellie felt her breath catch. When he started leaning in she froze, waiting for the moment his lips touched hers. A part of her afraid he'd back off like he did after the Boyd mess. This time though, he didn't._  
  
 _It only took seconds for her to respond, Ellie gripped him in any place she could reach almost blindly, just wanting to make sure he didn't go yet. She had been wanting to kiss him for so long it felt like, and now- now she knew what it was like. Ellie knew she was already hooked. Fingers tangling in his short hair, she kissed him back more roughly making him groan into her mouth._  
  
 _Minutes later when he walked out the door, taking her heart with him (even if he didn't know it, they may have made out but no feelings were talked about), he stopped and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead._  
  
If she had only known..she would have told him how she felt. Told him to fuck her, make love to her, whatever. Just as long as she got to be with him even if it'd be the first and last time.   
  


* * *

  
  
  
Ellie slowly woke up hours later, still in pain but not feeling as drained as before.   
  
"He's a real dick."   
  
Her lips turned upwards. Nick sat in front of her, legs up and arms resting over his knees.   
  
"Tell me about it." She mumbled. "What I wouldn't give to at least break his nose."  
  
"Damn I'd pay to see that." Nick grinned. "Love it when badass Bishop comes out to play."  
  
Ellie snorted. "You're an idiot."  
  
"An idiot you love, remember?" He snickered. She rolled her eyes but smiled.   
  
"I'm glad you came back."   
  
He shrugged but smiled at her. "I'd never leave you Ellie, not really."  
  
"I hope so.." Her eyes filled with tears. "I don't think I'm making it out of here Nick. I don't know how much more I can take-"  
  
"Don't say that." Nick snapped. "You're one of the strongest women I know, you can do this. And do you really think I'd just sit back and hide while you're in danger?"  
  
She sniffled. "No..no I guess not." It wasn't as if she didn't think of it..but it was hard to hold onto hope.   
  
"I'm coming Ellie." He told her firmly, staring right into her eyes. "Just hang in there, okay? I'll find you."   
  
And she believed him.   
  
_I'll hold on for you Nick._   
  



	4. Nick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick's anger breaks through and the end is near.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter after this that I'll be uploading tomorrow!
> 
> I'll be honest, I rushed these last two chapters and I realized chaptered fics aren't for me lol I'll stick with my oneshots or at least turning things into series' if I ever wanna write more to a oneshot.

One month, three weeks, twenty-three minutes, and seventeen seconds.  
  
Fifty-two days. It felt like a lifetime.   
  
What was he supposed to do if those days only grew until there was no hope left? He spent his life moving on- his dad leaving, Sofia, Lucia enlisting, every time he finished a case, friendships, Reeves, Abby, the cases that hit too close to home, Cody- but he didn't think moving on was even an option this time if it came to that.   
  
For her and his own sanity, he had to find her before it was too late. He just _had_ to. 

* * *

  
  
  
As the time passed, they spent a lot of time following and watching old associates of Carl's hoping that they'd find someone still working for or with him.   
  
It was a month into Ellie being gone that Ziva spotted one of them meeting with a man she was positive was Carl. It lit a fire in Nick, hope that he felt slipping rising once again. At first he wanted to charge right in, get Carl to confess and tell him where Ellie was. Until Tony talked him down, pointing out that there was no guarantee he would even tell them no matter what they did to him.   
  
So they followed him, surviving on shifts and just enough sleep to keep them focused (Nick only doing so when Ziva guilted him into sleeping, that he'd be no help to Ellie if he didn't). Usually being practically stuck in either a car or small hideaway with anyone for any length of time drove him insane, but no matter how much he wanted to duct tape Tony's mouth shut when he kept ranting about what movie this reminded him of, he could deal with it because they were close. Though he did wonder how Ellie dealt with him for three years, let alone McGee and all those years.  
  
Nick could feel his control slipping when fifty-two days turned into sixty.   
  
Then they lost Carl.   
  
Anger pulsed through him like he never felt before and as they tracked down his associate, Nick who got there first didn't bother waiting for Tony and Ziva.   
  
After picking the lock to the cabin he was staying in, Nick threw the door open so hard it slammed into the wall with a loud crash.   
  
Orion jumped from his spot on the couch, eyes wide as he scrambled back. Recognition on his face immediately.   
  
"I'd say it was nice to see you again but-" Nick chuckled humorlessly. Right before he gripped Orion's shirt and threw a punch.  
  
He barely registered the satisfying feeling of finally releasing some of his built up anger. Orion's begging and pleas fell on deaf ears as Nick continued to throw punches, not even hearing his own voice as he yelled asking where Carl was hiding out.   
  
"Nick! _Nick_! Come on man you gotta stop!"  
  
Arms wrapped around him, yanking him forcefully away from a blood covered Orion groaning on the floor.   
  
Nick struggled, not even realizing in his blind anger that he was sobbing until Tony dragged him out onto the porch and let them drop onto the steps. Tony still had his arms around him and his hold was now a comforting one as Nick's body shook with his cries.   
  
Ziva walked out, bags under her eyes just like the two men on the porch, and sat on the other side of Nick. She shifted close and wrapped her arms around them, Nick held between them. Over his shoulder, the couple exchanged looks. Both of them knew the pain he was going through, they knew if Ellie didn't make it or if she wasn't found, Nick would either drown or survive just enough to keep going but there'd be a gaping hole inside him that would never heal.   
  
Love could be a wonderful thing but it was powerful and dangerous, destroying even the strongest of people.   
  
"I could have-" Nick mumbled when he could finally breathe without gasping for breath. "I could have killed him."  
  
"But you did not." Ziva told him, hand running through his hair in such a motherly gesture that it made his heart ache. "I told him I would set you on him again if he did not talk."  
  
Nick perked up as Tony's arms dropped away along with Ziva's. "Did he?!"  
  
Ziva grinned. "We have his location."  
  
Tony quickly grabbed Nick's arm as he tried running off the porch. "Wait wait! I know you wanna get her now, hell I do too, but you know we need to watch the place first to see what we're dealing with."  
  
"Fuck." Nick roughly ran his hands over his face. "I know..I just- I don't know how I'll be able to stay outside the place knowing she's in there in who knows what condition."   
  
"Hey." Tony dropped a hand on his shoulder. "We'll be right there to keep you from doing something stupid."  
  
Ziva rolled her eyes while Nick scoffed.   
  
"Shut it Tony, you are the king of stupid."   
  
Nick snickered, his chest feeling a little weight lift off of it and the knots in his stomach loosening slightly.   
  
As they walked to the car, Tony and Ziva arguing back and forth the whole way until she had enough and shoved him into a tree, Nick leaned back into his seat and closed his eyes.   
  
_Please hang on Ellie..please._  
  


* * *

  
  
They sat outside the large house for almost two days watching and waiting.   
  
From what they learned, Carl hired some guys to keep watch, which meant they took walks around the perimeter making sneaking in impossible. It seemed they'd have to get in the old fashion way. Carl didn't seem to be taking any chances.   
  
In the back of Nick's mind he knew he should call Gibbs or someone, tell them he had Ellie's location. But that would mean more waiting and he had enough of it. He was never known for his patience.   
  
"Are you sure about this, Nick?" Ziva asked without taking her eyes off the men pacing, their eyes never leaving the surrounding area. Luckily for them they found a blindspot, an area covered just enough for them to see but not enough for the men to spot their car. "We can still call, get some back-up."  
  
"No." His jaw clenched. "I'm done waiting, we do this now."  
  
"Whatever you say boss." Tony grinned, throwing him an exaggerated wink. Nick snorted while Ziva rolled her eyes fondly. "Let's go kick some ass!"  
  
Ziva's lips lifted into a smirk. Nick turned and feeling around under the seat beside him, grabbed onto the small latch and lifted the rest of the backseat. Inside was a compartment with their weapons. Nick handed Tony and Ziva their guns before grabbing his own, making sure they each had enough ammo.   
  
"You guys sure about this?" Nick asked, Tali's little face flashed in his mind.   
  
They exchanged a loaded heavy look before nodding.   
  
"Let's go save your girl."   
  



	5. Ellie & Nick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! I'm sorry if it seems rushed but thank you to everyone who read it and gave it a chance, probably my last chaptered fic ever!

Her mind was foggy, slipping in and out of focus.   
  
Above her she could hear a series of shouts and banging that she never heard from upstairs before, sounds that were familiar but her mind couldn't form the connection on what it was.   
  
Ellie laid on the cold floor, eyes trained on the doorway waiting. She knew when Carl came in again it would be her last.   
  
Her body tensed as the door opened and her body protested against the action. But it wasn't Carl, it was Nick. She was glad he decided to visit her before she died. Maybe if he was the last thing she saw it wouldn't be so terrifying.   
  
"You came back." Ellie mumbled, lips barely moving.  
  
She saw Nick give her an odd look after she said the word _back_ , but her foggy mind didn't think anything of it.  
  
"We're getting you outta here Ellie." He told her, voice cracking with emotion. "I got you."  
  
Ellie struggled to keep her eyes open, a sigh of relief leaving her when he stroked her face, pushing tangled hair out of the way. His tumb felt nice against her cold cheek. Nick took off his jacket, placing it over her. There was blood on his shirt and hands, specks of it on his neck and face too.   
  
She wanted to ask why, but found she couldn't.   
  
Right before her eyes slid shut she saw the blurry images of Tony and Ziva. She never saw them there before.  
  
It hit her then right before she drifted off.  
  
 _This was real._  
  


* * *

  
  
Ellie woke up a couple of times in the hospital but could only mumble a few words that she was positive no one understood before she fell asleep again.   
  
But everytime she did, Nick was beside her holding her hand.   
  
Except for when she truly woke up. She felt a small bit of disappointment when she spotted only Jack sitting in the chair by her bed.  
  
"It's so good to see you awake Ellie." Jack said softly with a smile.   
  
Ellie smiled back. "Hey Jack."  
  
They talked about nothing for a few minutes until Ellie had to ask.   
  
"Jack..where's Nick?"  
  
She sighed at the question. "Getting chewed out by Vance, Gibbs, and SecNav."  
  
Ellie frowned. "Why?"  
  
Jack, reluctantly at first, told her everything. If this was before she knew she'd be disapproving of Nick's actions, but she had to stop herself from grinning. Maybe McGee was right and he was a bad influence on her. Nick had done what he could to find her, no matter if it may have cost him his job. (Later she'd learn he was suspended and was stuck giving tours and mentoring more teenagers for the next few months after his suspension was over)  
  
Ellie was fine..but then her still medicine drugged brain kicked in and she remembered Nick being with her. She said as much to Jack who frowned.  
  
"Ellie..remember Nick wasn't really there."  
  
"But he was so real." She mumbled. "I could..feel his touch..it was warm."  
  
"Sweetie you were sleep deprived, scared, and in a lot of pain. Seeing Nick was your way of coping through it all."  
  
"But he was there!"  
  
"Ellie..was it only Nick you saw?"  
  
Ellie blinked, head hurting as she tried to remember. "No I..I sometimes saw Qasim and Clay."  
  
"Exactly." Jack said softly, squeezing her hand. "Qasim and Clay are gone Ellie, there's no way they could have really been there."  
  
A tear slid down her cheek. "I want Nick."  
  
"Shh it's okay-" Jack smoothed a hand down her hair. "I'll get him for you, okay?"  
  
Ellie nodded.   
  
She tried staying awake, but drifted off before Jack even came back in the room.   
  


* * *

  
  
Nick didn't move from his spot beside her bed since getting there after Jack's call.   
  
He replayed the words over in his head like a broken record as he waited.  
  
 _"Ellie wants you here."_  
  
She wanted him with her, even when it was his fault she went through this in the first place. A part of him was afraid she'd want nothing to do with him, but she did.  
  
His body straightened and tensed when he noticed her waking up.  
  
"Nick.." She mumbled sleepily out, smiling at him so beautifully that he swore his heart skipped. It had been so long since he saw that smile, one he was afraid he wouldn't see again.  
  
"Hey there." He whispered.   
  
"I was afraid..that I'd never-" She swallowed, Nick reached over for her water and helped her drink through the straw. "-get to tell you."  
  
"Tell me what?" Nick asked, his palms starting to uncharacteristically sweat as he knew what she was going to say.   
  
"That I love you." Ellie whispered, eyes watering. "I was..Nick I was about to die, I could feel it, and I never would have been able to say it to you."   
  
Nick swallowed hard as he remembered the fact she _did_ die. Her heart had stopped in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. He was practically hysterical in the waiting room. It took Ziva a while to convince him to wash up as he still had Carl's blood on him.   
  
_Carl_ Nick thought with a snarl. Tony and Ziva had fed the lie to whoever asked about Nick killing Carl in self defense, but it was _him_ who attacked first. Thankfully after what he had done to Ellie stacked with his crimes from before, no one really questioned the way it didn't fit self defense or the way Carl was killed more violently than the other men with his blood all over Nick. Maybe he should feel disgusted with himself, but he didn't regret what he'd done. That man in the mirror who Nick saw as a killer now really was one..but this time there was no guilt.   
  
"Ellie." Nick whispered with a smile. "I love you too."  
  
A sob broke from her lips. Nick didn't think about it as he leaned forward, Ellie's arms wrapping around him in a hug as she clung to him tightly. His arms were more gentle around her not wanting to hurt her, but as she buried her face in his neck and cried, Nick let his own tears fall that soon escalated.   
  
Their team and friends quietly moved away from the doorway, leaving the two clinging to each other as all the fear and pain washed away with their tears.   
  


* * *

  
  
Things weren't easy, not that anyone had expected them to be.   
  
It was expected that Ellie would struggle but no one really considered the fact Nick would too. While these types of situations often made people drift apart or broke relationships, it only brought them closer together as they shared it all.   
  
Ellie woke up screaming from nightmares, and Nick would wake up in a panic from his own nightmares not calming until he had Ellie in his arms. They also both went to therapy, Ellie for her kidnapping and Nick for his guilt at her getting hurt because of him.   
  
Neither of them were the same person even as time passed and they healed inside and out but they supported each other, were happy together, and alive. Nothing else really mattered.   
  
Another change to their lives was the connection with Tony and Ziva (and in extension Tali). There was a certain bond between the four that seemed unbreakable. Eventually they moved back to DC, only five minutes from Ellie and Nick. And when Nick proposed three years later to a few months pregnant Ellie, Ziva was her maid of honor and Tony his best man. They were also named godparents to their little boy that Tali spoiled as if he was her brother.   
  
It was a happy ending with some dark moments like when Ellie would have those now rare nightmares or one of her scars would suddenly trigger a panic attack, with Nick being by her side through it all.   
  
But they were together and happy. 


End file.
